Bill Prohibits Bias Based On Jeans

Bill prohibits bias based on jeans
People with ugly jeans need not fear
The AP Examiner

A bill that would prohibit discrimination by people that you are interested in dating based on the style or look your genes won final approval in Congress on Thursday by an overwhelming vote.
The legislation, which President Bush has indicated he will sign, speaks to the mounting fear of a dystopia in which the brand and make of people's jeans will be the only determining factor in people being attracted to you. On the House floor Thursday, Democrats and Republicans alike cited anecdotes and polls illustrating that people feel they should not be penalized for the style of their jeans.
"People know we all have a couple pairs of bad looking jeans, and we are all potential victims of jeanetic discrimination," said Rep. Polly Ester, D-N.Y., who was a key sponsor of the bill, which passed the Senate by a vote of 95-0 on Tuesday and the House on Thursday by a 414-1 vote, with the one defector being Rep. Jord Dash, R-NM.
Rep. Dash made the statement, "There is no reason for us to be afraid of people being discriminated against by members of the opposite sex based on their jeans."
Rep. Ide Dehn Titty, D NJ responded: "Representative Dash's comments are heterosexist. Some of us are attracted to members of the same sex. Others are not attracted to members of the same or the so-called opposite gender but an alternative gender altogether."
Sen. Dick N Pussy-Rock hailed the measure. "Everyone knows that your attractiveness should not be determined by what your jeans look like. It's what's inside them that counts. Your genitals are all that actually matter. At the end of the day, they are the only thing that make life worth living."
Still, some experts said people still should be cautious with what brand of jeans they where. The bill leaves open the ability for people to be allowed to be unattracted to people who wear EXTREMELY crappy looking jeans.
Owners of dating agencies say a fear of discrimination on the part of their clients has prevented thousands of them from wearing the kind of jeans they wish to wear. A study introduced by the University of Sukmee shows that both male and female clients worry they may be denied blow jobs based on what their jeans look like.
If the bill is signed into law, many more people are expected to take advantage of wearing whatever they want.
The measure did not always have such overwhelming support. Similar legislation had foundered for more than a decade in the face of opposition from Big Jeans.
"Things have changed" says Rep Seth D Michaels, one of 20 newly elected representatives for the District of Columbia.. "And much faster than you can change in and out of your jeans."
"It's a new era," says Rep. Andrew Slack, D MA. Rep. Seth D Michaels replies: "Rep Andrew Slack is crazy but he's right about one thing: it is indeed a new era."
After eating the flesh of fifteen terrorists, Dr. Jonathan Dworkin, D MD says, "It's time to take some action!"
Indeed.